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Writerly Confessions
Even though I laughed it off at the time and even took some time to mock it, this complaint comment I got a while back has been lingering and festering even though I hadn't even realized it. (Like the one I got last year on 'Rusted Wheel' saying what a shame it is that I'm such a lazy writer.) The more recent one accuses me of shirking my writerly responsibilities because I basically hadn't written what they wanted me to write and was rather writing, well, whatever I felt like. Which, okay, fanfic. And free will. And everyone being entitled to their opinions. But the thing is, these comments linger in the special snowflake writer brain. And the only thing to really suffer is my writing. Because I get in that head space where I'm subconsciously trying to please someone else and not just my muse, and that never works. Plus, I am also a contrary crazy person, so I'm simultaneously unconsciously sabotaging whatever the mean person wanted me to do just to be perverse and juvenile. (And petulant. How dare you have a negative opinion of me! *stamps foot* God, the writer brain is a diva.) Eventually I either figure out what I'm doing or just get over it. Par for the course, right? Only, I'm getting a little tired of it. I mean, I understand that people are entitled to say whatever they like about me. I'm cool with that. But I also need to stop letting these things hijack me. So. For my own future benefit (one hopes), here are the things I'm not going to apologize for anymore (even subconsciously):
1. I write WIPs.
I write them with complete understanding of the contract I have entered into with the people who choose to actually take the risk of following along. The contract is such: I promise to have every intention of finishing said story, to do my absolute best to follow through. The reader promises to be aware that sometimes WIPs just don't get finished. Or don't finish as fast as they may like. The thing with me and WIPs is that honestly, I could never have finished those stories any other way. They would have sat unfinished on my hard drive for all time. On really really long projects, it helps me to have that contract, that forward momentum, and yes, even the comments that tell me I am not necessarily laboring on a story that isn't even worth working on. I do think I get into a bit of a self-created trap at times though. Sometimes I have long stretches between posting, but usually that is because I don't feel I'm doing the story justice, that it needs way more time to live up to what's already been posted, that I'm waiting for the muse to come up with something great. Not because I'm lazy, but because I don't want to break that contract, I don't want to disappoint. I could sit here and force myself to just come up with something, but it would probably suck. And I refuse to do that. I'm not going to apologize for that.
2. I work on multiple projects at once.
This is simply the way I work. Focusing down completely on one story at a time tends to frustrate me, bore me, kill my inspiration, and completely grind all writing to a halt. Moving between many stories and even fandoms keeps me interested and fresh. In the last seven days I worked on six in-progress fics in three fandoms and started a random new one (Fringe? Really?). All of these are at varying levels of completion, but the way it works is I add words and add words and delete some and rearrange stuff and then one day it's just done. Usually when I least expect it. Things get done when they get done. There is a reason I have virtually stopped participating in ficathons. I'm not going to apologize for that either.
3. I go where the muse directs.
I will drop anything and everything if a good piece of inspiration is flung my way. Like yesterday when on the drive home a solution to a fic I have been obsessively poking at for a year or so FINALLY clicked into place. I closed everything else, ignoring deadlines and WIPs and expectations, and just gave myself over to that story for as long as the muse wanted to work on it. (Now if only all this plot would stop getting in the way of the porn.) Maybe this isn't disciplined. Maybe this isn't proper writing technique (whatever the hell that is), but I'm not a professional writer. This isn't my job. It's my hobby. It's my joy. Pure, personal, selfish joy. And that's the part I'm least inclined to apologize for of all.
Though, I guess I may apologize for spending time I could have been writing ranting. Lol. *dives back into WIPs*
1. I write WIPs.
I write them with complete understanding of the contract I have entered into with the people who choose to actually take the risk of following along. The contract is such: I promise to have every intention of finishing said story, to do my absolute best to follow through. The reader promises to be aware that sometimes WIPs just don't get finished. Or don't finish as fast as they may like. The thing with me and WIPs is that honestly, I could never have finished those stories any other way. They would have sat unfinished on my hard drive for all time. On really really long projects, it helps me to have that contract, that forward momentum, and yes, even the comments that tell me I am not necessarily laboring on a story that isn't even worth working on. I do think I get into a bit of a self-created trap at times though. Sometimes I have long stretches between posting, but usually that is because I don't feel I'm doing the story justice, that it needs way more time to live up to what's already been posted, that I'm waiting for the muse to come up with something great. Not because I'm lazy, but because I don't want to break that contract, I don't want to disappoint. I could sit here and force myself to just come up with something, but it would probably suck. And I refuse to do that. I'm not going to apologize for that.
2. I work on multiple projects at once.
This is simply the way I work. Focusing down completely on one story at a time tends to frustrate me, bore me, kill my inspiration, and completely grind all writing to a halt. Moving between many stories and even fandoms keeps me interested and fresh. In the last seven days I worked on six in-progress fics in three fandoms and started a random new one (Fringe? Really?). All of these are at varying levels of completion, but the way it works is I add words and add words and delete some and rearrange stuff and then one day it's just done. Usually when I least expect it. Things get done when they get done. There is a reason I have virtually stopped participating in ficathons. I'm not going to apologize for that either.
3. I go where the muse directs.
I will drop anything and everything if a good piece of inspiration is flung my way. Like yesterday when on the drive home a solution to a fic I have been obsessively poking at for a year or so FINALLY clicked into place. I closed everything else, ignoring deadlines and WIPs and expectations, and just gave myself over to that story for as long as the muse wanted to work on it. (Now if only all this plot would stop getting in the way of the porn.) Maybe this isn't disciplined. Maybe this isn't proper writing technique (whatever the hell that is), but I'm not a professional writer. This isn't my job. It's my hobby. It's my joy. Pure, personal, selfish joy. And that's the part I'm least inclined to apologize for of all.
Though, I guess I may apologize for spending time I could have been writing ranting. Lol. *dives back into WIPs*
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The best excuse ever if you ever need it? "My muse ate my fanfic" :)
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