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Even though I laughed it off at the time and even took some time to mock it, this complaint comment I got a while back has been lingering and festering even though I hadn't even realized it. (Like the one I got last year on 'Rusted Wheel' saying what a shame it is that I'm such a lazy writer.) The more recent one accuses me of shirking my writerly responsibilities because I basically hadn't written what they wanted me to write and was rather writing, well, whatever I felt like. Which, okay, fanfic. And free will. And everyone being entitled to their opinions. But the thing is, these comments linger in the special snowflake writer brain. And the only thing to really suffer is my writing. Because I get in that head space where I'm subconsciously trying to please someone else and not just my muse, and that never works. Plus, I am also a contrary crazy person, so I'm simultaneously unconsciously sabotaging whatever the mean person wanted me to do just to be perverse and juvenile. (And petulant. How dare you have a negative opinion of me! *stamps foot* God, the writer brain is a diva.) Eventually I either figure out what I'm doing or just get over it. Par for the course, right? Only, I'm getting a little tired of it. I mean, I understand that people are entitled to say whatever they like about me. I'm cool with that. But I also need to stop letting these things hijack me. So. For my own future benefit (one hopes), here are the things I'm not going to apologize for anymore (even subconsciously):

( Three Confessions )

Though, I guess I may apologize for spending time I could have been writing ranting. Lol. *dives back into WIPs*

I was re-reading Linda Bedroll's Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife for the millionth time last week, and I'm wondering if it's strange that I want fanfic for this fanfic book? I want Hannah/Goodwin fic to be specific. Because...yes. That would be awesome. And despite the idea for a fic circling in my head, I have neither the writing time nor the period knowledge to do it justice. So, the search begins. I am already sure it is futile.

Speaking of reading... my kindle just arrived! Why don't more of you have your stuff up on AO3? Hmmm? It's time to fill this sucker with a metric ton of fanfic. Oh yes. *rubs hands together* What do you have on your kindle/eReader?

And last, but not least: another writing lesson I refuse to learn, or rather, am forced to relearn over and over again. When I am writing a fic, there is often a passage (or ten, depending on the length) that I absolutely love, one I feel completely encapsulates the point of the fic, that therefore becomes the default fulcrum of the fic. But, to put it mildly, I revise. I mean, the similarities between my first draft and my final posted draft are very few. (I swear, I should post a before and after one of these days. I think it might amuse you all.) So, I revise. I rewrite sections, I move scenes around, futz, futz, futz. And there is always this point where everything stalls out and I am trying to work that Perfect Passage back in to the Perfect Spot and it just isn't working and I begin to assume 1) my writing mojo on this story is stalled out, 2) the fic sucks, or 3) that I just need to let it sit and marinate for a while. But then after much hair-pulling and swearing and bitching to Trout on IM, I usually realize that it is Perfect Passage that is holding everything up. That Perfect Passage is stating the blatantly obvious that is better off NOT being said. Yet, the fic never could have evolved without it, and Perfect Words are rare and special and it is SO HARD to actually delete them, even for the betterment of the fic. So I am forced to remember all over again: the delete key is your friend. (As is the backup draft.)

*goes off to delete stuff*

Why is it the day that you are completely cut off from laptop and even paper and pen is inevitably the time a long stalled out fic suddenly comes to life in your head? Why is it that you spend the entire day with the PERFECT string of words circling endlessly in your brain (Omg, that was how this scene was supposed to go!), and you get home really really late, exhausted and almost dead to the world, crash into bed and then dream those perfect sequences over and over again. Then you wake up the next morning, open the languishing file, and EVERY WORD IS GONE.

You are a cruel mistress, Muse.

Hey guys. I'm alive. Really. Just had some unexpectedly awesome things happen that have sort of temporarily taken over my life. Just one more week of insanity though, and things should settle in again. Writing has sort of fallen to the wayside, sadly. Not that I haven't been writing, just not writing effectively. The next chapter of my Ginny fic has demanded to be rewritten and taken unexpected turns three or four times in the last few weeks. It's being as slippery as a Slytherin. Snerk. I've also started and abandoned three or four ideas for my help_japan  charity fic. Oy. I tried poking at the next installment of the DC Series, but Daniel is being stubborn. (What else is new?) I've had a few other things open on my desktop, adding a few words here and there, but I'm not really settling to anything, sadly.

I just got a review on one of my oldest stories, which is nice. Really. Comments are always great. It's just... I do my absolute best to pretend I never wrote this particular fic, so the rare time someone leaves a comment, it gives rise to that urge to DELETE THE STORY FROM EXISTENCE yet again. All of you who never posted your first ever fic? I envy you SO MUCH. Lol.

I'm really behind on TV watching. I can't really build up any interest in the latest Sanctuary, though I imagine I will get around to it eventually. (I'm sorry. You all know how I feel about character bashing, but I just...can't make myself like Will. I'm trying. And another aside, I was commenting to holdouttrout the other day that I rewatched Star Trek Reboot again the other day and noticed that Chris Pine is a total mouth breather too, it just in no way bothers me the way it does with Will. I cannot explain this. Lol.) I saw Fringe, but don't really have any thoughts at the moment. Maybe later. It's a long hiatus to ruminate over. Looking forward to all the summer shows starting up again soon though. Yay White Collar and Covert Affairs and Leverage and other ones I am probably forgetting about.

Speaking of Leverage, I'm pretty broken up that Con-Con was canceled. Not surprised, just sad. I'd really been looking forward to that.

Seems there's gong to be a new Lady Julia Grey book coming out on June 21st. Let's hope it doesn't suck as much as the fourth one did. I'll give it a read and let you know if it's worth reading or if we should just continue to pretend there were only three Lady Julia books.

( I've been reading throw away shitty romance novels. )

Here are a few fic recs to make up for it:

The Package Deal by ziparumpazoo  (Fringe, Peter/Olivia, Walter)
She drew these two men together and forced them, sometimes painfully, to build their own warped version of a family. They’re a package deal. An If/Then statement. It’s that simple.
This is a great morning after fic for 6B, showing Olivia's relationships with Peter, but also Walter, who is an inescapable part of the deal. Such a perfect glimpse into what life with the Bishops would be like.

The Bridal Path by Vyola (Addams Family, Wednesday/Joel)
To marry an Addams means taking marriage very seriously. After all, it is till death do you part. And even then, sometimes they come back.
Okay, so it's not like I'm this big Addam's Family fan or anything. I'm pretty sure I saw the movie a million years ago. But, god, I love Wednesday, the quirky worldview of the Addam's family, and their non-traditional romance. This is such a great little fic. Short, quirky, and definitely worth a read.

The Priming Game by amonitrate (Ironman, Rhodey, Tony, Tony/Pepper if you really squint)
Rhodey wonders if from now on it's going to be Tony Before and Tony After.
This is a fill in for the time between when Tony is rescued out of the desert and when he lands back in America. Rhodey's POV on the changes that have come over Tony, the secrets he is clearly keeping, and the suspicions of the US Government that threaten to push Tony over the edge. Such a clear vision of the characters and their relationships as well at the way Tony is changed by his experience.

How to Steal Like an Artist (And 9 Other Things Nobody Told Me) by Austin Kleon

If you write, draw, create...read this. I found it pretty damn inspirational.

So, just some random thoughts swirling around in my head that have been induced by NaNo this year.

( Romantic Fiction Experiments, Oh My! )

I have strayed once more into the great wilderness of writing. You know that place, where the paths are impossible to see and you begin to believe that maybe you'd hallucinated them all in the first place. Clearly it is time to take a deep breath and remember the two best pieces of writing advice I have ever been given:

#1- Done is better than good.

#2- Write fast.

The first, from my tenth grade Humanities teacher, was said to remind us that if we never stopped stressing about making our papers perfect, we would never finish at all. Simple math tells us that any number is superior to zero. SO JUST FRICKIN DO IT AND STOP STRESSING. If we let our pursuit of perfection paralyze us, we're not just 'not-good', but 'never-even-showed-up'. So finish. Not brilliantly, not perfectly, but just FINISHED.

The second was recently said to a partially full crowd of people at the tremendous Con-Con by Dean Devlin in response to the age old convention chestnut: Any advice for aspiring writers? His point was that the more time and energy and sweat and tears you put into that first rough draft, the harder it will be to tear it apart and edit it and actually turn it into something better later. By the time the first draft is done, you will be so damn sick of the story that you won't care about making it into something good, in fulfilling its potential. And let's all be honest, everything needs editing. Nobody is awesome enough to create something brilliant in a first draft. If someone claims they can, they are either being dishonest, or they are just lazy writers with no interest in being better than they are right now (which, hey, is anyone's right, just don't couch it as something it's not). So write fast, dammit.

Done is better than good. Write fast. Done is better than good. Write fast. Done is better than good...

If I write it fifty-bazillion times more, I might remember to believe it. Lol.

What's your favorite bit of writing advice you've ever heard? Hit me. God knows I could use it. :)

( Wherein I recap the Mary Sue debate and get snarky. Surprise! )

Writing Lesson Learned (and Relearned) #28,490

Story stalled out? 90% done and just not finishing itself? One mediocre scene in the middle that you don't want to even read, let alone finish writing, keeping everything else from getting finished?

DELETE IT.

Delete, delete, delete. Don't be afraid, just do it. Delete!!

Who knew that one little key could be so painful and yet so darn useful?

You'll probably know it's the right move when the second that section is dead and gone you feel like a frickin metric ton of bricks has been lifted from around your neck. And look! Words start flowing again. How lovely.

You remember economy, right, Annerb? From way back when? Brevity? Remember when you used to write reasonably-lengthed ficlets, when you worried that you were perhaps too terse? Yeah. Remember that. And if it isn't essential to the story trying to be told, DELETE IT. Your attachment to that one line or scene is not as important as the story. For the love of words, just delete it. You'll feel better, I promise.

Love, Me.

So...I'm still alive. Really. I'm in this weird stretch I hit sometimes when the words just stop (usually because there is some plot hole or major issue with a story that I refuse to admit). This is when my reading phase kicks in. I get strangely voracious after not reading much of anything for a long time. I think it's the distraction factor. My brain is subconsciously churning away at whatever writing block I'm pretending doesn't exist, while I read, read, read, read until a solution presents itself, BAM, usually in the middle of something. (Got a lot of half-finished paperbacks abandoned around the house due to this.)

Unfortunately, I am reading stuff so fast that I'm desperate to get my hands on enough stuff. Inevitably this means I get desperate enough to hit the paperback historical romance rack, even though I know this only ends up torturing me. (BUT! I picked up 'Silent in the Grave' on a stupid supermarket whim once! I could discover another Lady Julia Grey to fall madly in love with! Really! Suuuuuuuuuuure.) Needless to say, I did not stumble upon my next great beloved heronine of snark this time. No. This time picking up the first novel with a minimally embarrassing front cover with no half naked people humping on it, I stumbled unknowingly into some of my most HATED elements. Some I had been fooling myself into thinking were only the foibles of young, eager fangirls writing their first grade school fanfic. I don't know why it's so much worse to find them in print. Maybe it's the back section where the author pimps all their other novels and you realize they've written 25 of these hideous things, many of which sat on the best-sellers list at some point and seem to repeat the SAME EQUATION. This particular novel's sins?

( Cut for ranting and mention of non-con )

Ok. I'm done ranting now. Really. And since I feel it's bad karma to dump vitriol out into the world without at least a little squee to balance, here are some things that don't suck and that I quite love:

Any Persuasion fans out there? As much as I love Pride&Prejudice, I think Persuasion may be my favorite Austen book. I think it's the maturity of the characters, the subtlety of their ship, not to mention the drawn out angst of missed chances. (no, I am not predictable in my kinks. Lol.) Anyway, I have just finished Susan Kaye's 'None But You' which is a retelling of Persuasion from the point of view of Captain Wentworth. I haven't read the second half 'For You Alone' yet. (HURRY UP UPS, do you have any idea what I have been reading in the meanwhile?!) But I can comfortably say that the first half alone is enough to make me love and adore it. Great tone, delicate touch, and more Mrs. Croft. What more could you possibly want?

If SJ smut is more to your taste today, make sure you don't miss: Drink That Sun by penknife 

Oh, and dsudis  continues her awesomeness with the next in her Bechdel Fix-it's for Stargate. Really great Sam piece. Solidarity

Yes, it's always good to remember that for every piece of crap out there, there are some pretty freaking awesome things too.