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Do you ever catch yourself trying to script your life?

It's a strange thing when you're obsessed with writing.  I mean, what is writing really, but basically scripting a world to your own parameters?  Most stories are inherently about change, but almost cyclical: starting in one place and moving along until you return to the beginning, only in a different place than where you started.  Change=drama.  Either the situation itself changing, or at least someone's understanding.  In stories we script this change through events and dialog in a specific way to create whatever mood we are going for: humor, angst, romance, or whatever.  Events unfold in the most meaningful/symbolic/humorous ways and everyone always has the exact right thing to say to further the story. 

Being as obsessed with stories and writing as I am, these little worlds are constantly unfolding in the back of my mind, which makes it really interesting when I'm engaged with the real world, because sometimes I catch myself waiting for meaningful or symbolic when more often all we get in the real world is chaos.  Sure, we can look back at our own history and find meaning, but that's almost another way of scripting. (Which is why I think the interpretation of culture and history often tells us a lot more about the culture doing the analyzing than the culture being scrutinized.)  We study the past trying to find patterns that make sense to us, that can offer meaning or lessons or maybe just humor.  It's sort of like when you get into a conversation with someone and three days later you know the *exact* thing you should have said.  That zingy comeback that would have shut up the annoying person just perfectly, if only you had thought of it at the time. (But, MAN, isn't it awesome when every once and a while you can come up with the perfect comeback? Puts a little jaunt in my step, that does.)

Anyway, I guess I just find it amusing when I catch myself being surprised when conversations or events around me don't take the path I might expect (or I might have written).  If this were a story, I think, things would have gone in a much different direction.  Or at least would have been slightly more amusing (and we would have all had better hair).

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Do you ever write fic with specific meta in mind? 

I often comment that my fic is my meta and to a large degree it is.  I can look at each and every one of my stories and pick out pretty easily what the claim of the story is, what I was trying to prove about a specific character/pairing/world situation.  That being said, I usually go into each story with a question. "How do I feel about X, Y or Z?" but not with an answer.  The answer comes towards the end of the writing, usually when I am nearly done and casting about for a title.  Often I write fic to understand how I feel about something.  (What are Daniel's relationship issues? How does Teal'c feel about living on Earth? Would a relationship with Jack and Sam actually work out?  What if one tiny detail was changed in this episode/season/universe, how would everything change?)

What I call meta in a story would probably be more properly referred to as themes.  I remember really loving the second Harry Potter book because of the whole analogy of blood status and racism/classicism.  I found it interesting, though, that JKR specifically said she didn't have that theme in mind when she wrote the story, but that it sort of developed on its own as she was writing the larger plot.  I've heard it often said that writing with something to prove in the beginning makes a fic less story and more editorial propagandizing.  It's a fine line.  I know I have been guilty of the later from time to time.  I definitely had a very specific political agenda in mind when I wrote Exodus. Which maybe explains why I had such a hard time writing it.  (Of course Exodus doesn't hold a candle to my Anubis and George Bush fic I wrote privately for a friend  a few years ago. Man, where did I save that thing? Must read again for giggles.)

I just recently read Seldear's Reflections for the first time. I very much enjoyed this story, primarily for the very unique central premise of 'what if an AR Sam Carter came through the mirror that was a man?'  It touches on a whole host of interesting topics from gender, nature vs. nurture, same-sex desire, homophobia (sort of reminds me of that old Star Trek TNG where Beverly falls in love with this man, who switches bodies to become a woman and Beverly just couldn't overcome the gender barrier).  Anyway, interesting fic to be sure, definitely needs to be read if you haven't, but I found myself pulled out of the story at times because it felt like the themes jumped too much to the forefront, becoming more text than subtext.  As writers we want the readers to get our points, to communicate something to them, but I think sometimes we have to give  readers the benefit of the doubt and let them interpret from the characters' actions rather than explaining it to them, no matter how tempting it is to point it out. *shrug* This is just something I've been thinking about lately, casting a critical eye on my own stories.

Thoughts?